shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
