Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
