ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
