If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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