she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
