Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
