There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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