The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
