After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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