ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
