taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
