omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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