census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
