there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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