First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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