I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's blow job season.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize