so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
