Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
