oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
