Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
