shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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