Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
