people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
