some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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