I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
