Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
