i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize