Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
