i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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