im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize