I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
