He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize