so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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