I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
