What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
