Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My cat gives me a boner
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
