I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
