I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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