I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
