It's Friday. Sex?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize