I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
