you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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