dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
