just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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