Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
