I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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