when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize