He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
