Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
