Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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