your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
