Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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