Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
