it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize