I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
