I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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