i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
