whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
