Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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