dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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