hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
are you so shy because you have an std?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
