only if we run a train.
done.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
