Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
