She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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