We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
