She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize