I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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