I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
