Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As shirtless as possible
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
