she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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