I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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