my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
