I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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